So sorry to hear about your brother, Mike. Sometimes i think we are born and raeisd, due to no fault of our own, with these demons,whether environmental, genes, experiences, or whatever other monstrous dark shadows that overcomes us. The depression is so dark, it is often difficult to see the light above the darkness, even when we try so hard. We can laugh when we need to, be professional in our daily work, buy groceries, talk on phone, do dishes, and carry on when we have to .but at home, alone, when the sadness sets in, it is bigger than all the public facades put together. I am glad you had the time you had with your brother before he was gone. I also lost a brother young, in his twenties, due to alcoholism, alcoholism caused by depression. Many of us are so involved in our own little lives that we tend to overlook or just plain not see, whether by choice or by need, when a loved one is in trouble. I always think the ocean, coast line, especially eastern coast line, would be/should be/hope to one day be, my panacea of healing and hopefully finding hope again. So, it is the earth, the ground, the dirt, water, sand, magnificent sound of the ocean waves, wind, smell of the wild, and salt water, that i think of when i know i need to find hope again. And hopefully, i will be able to find it. Life plays some unexpected tricks on us and ones that are difficult to overcome. Good luck with your mourning of your brother and i do not think you are maudlin i think you sound like a kind, feeling man with some regrets, and i also think that writing about it is healing. http://jpyoezk.com [url=http://owmwwxje.com]owmwwxje[/url] [link=http://xlakjiea.com]xlakjiea[/link]